Think About Your Biography

“I want to live my life so that I’ll be able to read an in-depth biography about myself in later years and not puke.”

- Paris Geller, Gilmore Girls

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It’s not the most poetic way of putting it but she has a point :)

Life is about constantly growing and learning new things everyday – whether that’s about yourself or about the world! Small things count too :)

It doesn’t have to mean throwing yourself into a wild adventure (but if that’s your scene, that by all means, do it!). It just means taking your average day and making it into something wonderful, even if just through the little things. Something you can truly call a memory. Little by little, those memories come together and form a scrapbook in our mind. A scrapbook that we can look back on and smile at page.

All those opportunities outside your door. Only you will know which opportunity is the right one for you. And when it comes around, don’t be afraid to grab it!

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The Struggles of Writing an Email

A quick post today as I share with you a funny YouTube video created and animated by Domics.

I know this struggle all too well and yet, it’s kind of ridiculous – it’s just an email!

Personally, I find it difficult to write text to someone without adding a smiley face, emoticon/emoji or at least an exclamation mark somewhere. Sometimes I have to resist from adding a little too many…

It’s kind of difficult to convey expression in plain black and white, isn’t it? :mrgreen:

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Sometimes We Need Someone…

“Sometimes we need someone to accept and love us first. Then we would learn to see ourselves through that person’s eyes and learn to love ourselves.”

- Yuki Sohma, Fruits Basket

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It’s a common thing to hear ‘If you don’t like yourself, then how do you expect others to like you?’ It’s a well-intentioned saying. It encourages you to think positively, think good of yourself and start boosting your self-esteem.

But despite its good intentions, it often over-simplifies the reality. Like Yuki puts it in an episode of Fruits Basket, what if you just can’t find anything about yourself that you like or feel good about?

The whole ‘If you don’t like yourself, then how do you expect others to like you?’ doesn’t always work because it assumes you can change your personal opinion about yourself just like that. Depending on how it’s said, sometimes it feels like sayer is accusing us of disliking ourselves and being negative on purpose, as if we can instantly stop whenever we like it.

And in a way, that probably makes things worse. They’re telling us to snap out of it but we can’t. They say it as if it’s a simple solution. How pathetic we must be if we can’t even follow something so simple, right? In this case, it has not helped us think more positively at all. It probably makes us feel worse.

Maybe that’s how we got here in the first place. Because we can’t find anything we like about ourselves. We can’t think positive when we don’t see anything positive to think about. Our thoughts can’t always be controlled so easily.

So I think this quote really hits the nail on the head. Sometimes we need someone to tell us what they see. Someone who can remind us of why we’re so likeable. Someone who makes us realise that there is something about us that can actually be loved. It doesn’t even have to be spoken in words, sometimes actions can be enough to make us think ‘they enjoy being around me,’ ‘they like talking to me,’ and eventually ‘maybe I’m not all that bad after all.’

And so, to all of you, my dear special readers, I leave you on this note: Go show someone how great and how loved they truly are today. Everyday :)

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What’s Real Cannot Be Denied

“I know what’s real cannot be denied,
Although it may hide for a while”

- I Still Believe (from Cinderella III: A Twist in Time Soundtrack) by Hayden Panettiere

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In a lot of my blog posts, I spend a lot of time thinking over quotes and expressing what they mean to me. But today, I’ll leave you with with this one, because I feel it has so many different meanings that you don’t need me to explain what they could be.

There’s nothing more magical than hearing/reading words and for it to immediately resonate in your heart, in it’s own uniquely special way, in a way only you know how. :)

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Maybe We Don’t Realise Because… It’s On Our Back

“The part of a person that’s remarkable is like the umeboshi on the back of a rice ball.

All around the world, there are different colors, shapes, and flavors, but because it’s stuck to the back, they might not be able to see their precious umeboshi.

‘I’m not special,’ each one would think, ‘just plain ole rice.’ Even though that’s not true, and there is an umeboshi on the back. The reason people get jealous of one another is because they can see the umeboshi on other people’s backs. Even now, someone might be feeling envious of something you don’t recognize in yourself.”

- Tohru Honda, Fruits Basket

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I really love this analogy.

This reminds me of how special and unique we really are. Every single one of us on this planet. Even if we might not know it!

Tohru describes our special qualities as being the umeboshi (pickled plum) on the back of a rice ball. She explains that maybe don’t realise how special we are because our qualities our on our back, where we can’t see it, so we don’t believe we have anything special at all.

[For those unfamilliar with rice balls (or 'onigiri' in Japanese), click here for some images - courtesy of good old Google!]

I think it’s true that if we were to look at ourselves through another person’s eyes, we would view ourselves differently. Because we see ourselves every day from only one perspective, so sometimes we miss things or just don’t realise how special we really are.

Everyone should believe they are special.

You are special.

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Weird

Craig Owens: “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a bit weird?”
The Doctor: “They never really stop.”

- Craig Owens and The Doctor, Doctor Who (Episode: The Lodger)

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Part of what we loved about the Doctor was his zany weirdness. It’s part of what makes his character.

And if he was proud to embrace his inner weirdness, then so can the rest of us! :)

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Me Vs Small Talk – Round Three!

This is the third and final part of my Me Vs Small Talk posts. If you haven’t already, please read parts 1 and 2 :)

Round 3: I’m An Introvert But That Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Like Talking

So in Round 1, I explained how I dealt with (or didn’t deal with…) small talk. In Round 2, I pretended to be an extrovert in order to seem more sociable.

Now it’s Round 3. I’ve picked myself up from the ground, learned a few lessons and I’m ready to go!

In the Red Corner, we have Extreme Introvert, Lily. In the Blue, we have the notorious Small Talk.

The bell sounds. What am I going to do? What’s my plan, to throw in some metaphorical punches and take Small Talk downnn?

The truth is, I don’t have any real attack strategy.

What’s this? Has the Extreme Introvert given up already?

No, no! – I have no real attack strategy because I no longer want to attack. In the past, I’ve been so busy fighting against Small Talk, that I forgot to just ‘talk.’ Because that’s what small talk really is – it’s just talking. And whilst worrying excessively over my social paranoia, I’d forgotten that.

Definition of ‘talk’ : speak in order to give information or express ideas or feelings; converse or communicate by spoken words.

Of course I still get a little uneasy when a conversation doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, but now instead of staying silent or spewing out excessive words for no reason, I’ve found a happy medium.

Make an effort to contribute to a conversation but don’t force it. This is quite a big step from my previous “stay quiet ’til someone asks you something’ approach. Thankfully, from past experiences, I’m a little more knowledgable about today’s small talk topics than previously (at least enough to make it slightly more interesting than before!) Remember this is the start of getting to know someone. That’s what my aim is here, remember that!

If there’s a lull in the conversation, don’t fret over it. I still have issues with this one. Conversation gaps worry me a lot, but this is something I hope to slowly get over. But at least I can use it as a good indicator for how I comfortable I feel around someone. Ever heard of the not-awkward silence?

It’s okay to be quiet. When I became aware of my introvert ways, I used to apologise a lot for not talking a lot. One person responded “It’s okay, you’re just a quiet person, there’s nothing wrong with that.” It’s okay be quiet. I don’t have to be super chatty all the time.

Finally, talk when you want to talk. Listen when you want to listen. This is so obvious yet I missed it completely. I was just so caught up in ‘social expectations’ to realise it. It’s a common misconception that introverts don’t like to talk, but give us a topic that we’re passionate about and we could go on forever. For other topics, maybe we won’t say a lot, but we will certainly listen. You could be talking about something we know nothing about but we’ll listen because maybe we’ll learn a thing or two about what makes you tick.

It’d be a lie to say this formula works all the time. There are still occasions where conversation doesn’t flow. There are still times when I trip over my words or struggle to convey what I mean and panic when I’m not sure how to fix it. Pauses in conversation can still terrify me. Sometimes I say less, times when I say more. I still prefer one-on-one conversations more than large group ones, and therefore likely to remain in the background for the latter.

Buuuut, I think I deal with things much better than before and it helps me to meet new people, which I’m always grateful for!

So wait a minute, did you win this round or what?

I’m going to say YES! Because although there are still a few struggles, ultimately I manage Small Talk much better than I used to and manage to get away with seeming normal most of the time!

Important note: I am NOT a textbook example of an introvert, by any means. This is purely my own personal view and journey into introversion. I’ve also had general issues with ‘social’ – and if you add that to introversion, it makes a rather interesting blend of social struggles!

Hope you’ve enjoyed a little trip into my introvert mind :)

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“I like being introverted. I like being quiet. I like being thoughtful. I like being on my own and I hope if we met, you’d accept me for that.” – Charlie McDonnell

“I have to be alone very often. I’d be perfectly happy if I spent Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.” – Audrey Hepburn

“I also believe that introversion is my greatest strength. I have such a strong inner life that I’m never bored and only occasionally lonely. No matter what mayhem is happening around me, I know I can always turn inward.” – Susan Cain

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